can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
