If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
