Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
