If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
