all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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