whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
