Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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