I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
