I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
