fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
