im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
