I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ugly people sure do ruin things
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
