We won't sleep together?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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