If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize