Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
