So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
