You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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