doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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