Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
