Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
