You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
