Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
