dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
