So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
