You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
