Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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