Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
