i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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