6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
