This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
