my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
