thus making me awesome and them whores
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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