I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
