Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
