i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
