So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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