her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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