Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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