Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We had to coat check the pizza.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
