People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
