Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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