covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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