never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize