you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
