Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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