I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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