The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
