My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My vagina is officially offended.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
