so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
