Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
