I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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