I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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