make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
