so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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