he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
