I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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