I feel like abortions should bother me more
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
