We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
