May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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