a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
