hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
