I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
