I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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