So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This baby is an asshole
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
