I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
