I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize