I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
