Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
