I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize