made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
