You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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