He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
