I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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