Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
