So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
