If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
