That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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