tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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