Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize