I am midnight drunk by noon
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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