So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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