Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
