Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
