I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Alive.
So much puke
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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