You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
