The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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