'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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