I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
