Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
