That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
