I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
