the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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