where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize