I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
