i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
