Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
